I'm usually pretty positive but I've been up all night unable to fall asleep and I just keep THINKING about things and I just keep getting more and more stressed out. And of course it's all stuff that I can't do anything about right now and stressing only makes it harder to sleep, so now I've got myself completely distraught and have no idea how to fix it (I even tried taking medicine that usually knocks me right out, to no avail) and it's not like I can call my mom and cry to her at 4 o'clock in the morning so here I am.
I'm just so worried! All my life thus far I've always kind of felt like everything will be okay, it just will, it just has to. And now that I'm really approaching the real world, I just don't see how things will EVER be okay. I can't imagine that I will ever have enough money to do anything more than simply subsist. Certainly I don't know how I can ever have anything that I want and don't actually need. I imagine myself after graduation lonely and miserable because after paying rent I can't afford to go out with my friends, can't even afford to eat very much, and can't go home for Christmas because I can't get time off from work and my car has broken down so I have no way of getting there. I just wish there was something I could DO now instead of playing these pointless head games with myself.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh hush! There are numerous reasons to keep your hopes high (or at least floating around sea-level.) A college degree (something I'll still be chasing well into my thirties) opens so many doors for you that you won't even realize its value until hindsight kicks in down the road. Once you make it out of school, sure you'll have more responsibility, but the responsibility level from HS to college grew by leaps and bounds and you've probably handled it adroitly, so there is not much to mandate being more stressed now that the load is about to increase once more. I went through the same lull you are currently in (money, relationships, the 'outside world') when transferring from big-money NYU to slightly-less-money-but-still-a-ripoff Widener, and I'll probably transfer again before I'm cashing welfare checks. The points of my ramble here are as follows: you can't change your past actions, so don't dwell on them. 'tis much better to let them affect your future decisionmaking (something we call wisdom) so that way you remember how you felt in this rut and what is necessary to get out of it. Also, that you can rant to me anytime you need, just to blow off steam or reminisce on the olden days. Keep in touch.
ReplyDelete