This is mostly a quote, but I'm posting it here because of its pure relevance to my life at the moment, and because it's one of those situations where someone else has said precisely what I would like to say:
"This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted: You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship . . . Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it J.C. or Allah, Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things--if they are where you tap real meaning in life--then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It's the truth."
--David Foster Wallace
This is from his 2005 Kenyon College commencement address, which was recently turned into a book. An interesting article about the book itself is here, and worth checking out.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Avocado
My very first avocado has ripened!
It may not sound that way, but this is absolutely a momentous occasion, significant on several levels. Allow me to explain:
First of all, this is an avocado that I purchased. It did not come from the dining hall, it did not come from my parents' fridge, and it was not bought for me at a restaurant by a boy. I bought it, all by myself, because I went food shopping. Not to get brie and wine to treat myself, but out of necessity. I am now providing for myself. Because I'm an adult now! It's very exciting.
Second, this avocado represents the essential adventure of trying new things. I vividly remember tasting an avocado in sixth grade and feeling completely repulsed by it, and since then it has been stored in my head as a certain personal fact that I do not like avocado. (Although this was actually kind of silly, because I like guacamole, and I love california rolls. But anyway.) But two of the many things I respect about the people I work with are their healthy lifestyles and their excellent taste, and when everyone insisted on eating raw avocados as snacks several times a day I felt compelled to take a second taste. And it was delicious. So then of course I started sharing my friends' avocados, which I imagine must have been a little irritating for them. But another thing I respect about them is their generosity both in sharing with me and in putting up with me, so it wasn't a big deal. Eventually, however, I decided it was time to get my own avocados.
This was conveniently at the same time that the dining halls closed for the summer and my roommate and I found ourselves suddenly on our own. So, we walked--making good choices right and left!--to the grocery store to begin being grown-ups about things. I was craving avocado and annoyed to find that none of the avocados there were ripe (though our loud discussion about this prompted a strange man to offer some very helpful advice involving a paper bag and the sun to hasten the ripening process). But I picked out four that I thought looked good (nervously, because what do I really know about picking out avocados?), bagged them up, bought them, and walked them home. Three went into the fridge and one sat out. And now, today, it has finally ripened! I'm about to dig in but first, a toast: to growing up! and to doing it right!
It may not sound that way, but this is absolutely a momentous occasion, significant on several levels. Allow me to explain:
First of all, this is an avocado that I purchased. It did not come from the dining hall, it did not come from my parents' fridge, and it was not bought for me at a restaurant by a boy. I bought it, all by myself, because I went food shopping. Not to get brie and wine to treat myself, but out of necessity. I am now providing for myself. Because I'm an adult now! It's very exciting.
Second, this avocado represents the essential adventure of trying new things. I vividly remember tasting an avocado in sixth grade and feeling completely repulsed by it, and since then it has been stored in my head as a certain personal fact that I do not like avocado. (Although this was actually kind of silly, because I like guacamole, and I love california rolls. But anyway.) But two of the many things I respect about the people I work with are their healthy lifestyles and their excellent taste, and when everyone insisted on eating raw avocados as snacks several times a day I felt compelled to take a second taste. And it was delicious. So then of course I started sharing my friends' avocados, which I imagine must have been a little irritating for them. But another thing I respect about them is their generosity both in sharing with me and in putting up with me, so it wasn't a big deal. Eventually, however, I decided it was time to get my own avocados.
This was conveniently at the same time that the dining halls closed for the summer and my roommate and I found ourselves suddenly on our own. So, we walked--making good choices right and left!--to the grocery store to begin being grown-ups about things. I was craving avocado and annoyed to find that none of the avocados there were ripe (though our loud discussion about this prompted a strange man to offer some very helpful advice involving a paper bag and the sun to hasten the ripening process). But I picked out four that I thought looked good (nervously, because what do I really know about picking out avocados?), bagged them up, bought them, and walked them home. Three went into the fridge and one sat out. And now, today, it has finally ripened! I'm about to dig in but first, a toast: to growing up! and to doing it right!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Back At It
I haven't written in a long time, I know. First it was because I was just a little too busy with real life to make time for cyberspace. Then it was because of finals. But now that I've finished finals, I have all the free time I've been looking forward to for so long, and suddenly I've found myself very unwilling to do the things I kept wishing I had time to do. It's been bothering me that I know I should write here and practice guitar--both things for which you have to stay in shape--and that I didn't know why I was putting it off. Just now it occurred to me that I might be avoiding these things out of some kind of fear, possibly dreading that I wouldn't actually ever really do them even though I wanted to. That should make perfect sense to anyone who's ever held a cherished goal, but it sounds so completely silly when it's articulated. So, I decided to scoff at and then shun silliness, and so here I am, back at it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Laziness
I have had, and am continuing to have, a very lazy day today. I have done almost nothing productive, and at 9 at night it doesn't look like that's changing. I should probably just give up today as hopeless and get to bed early so I can start tomorrow off right, but since I just woke up from an extended after-dinner nap I don't think I'll be able to eke even that much usefulness out of the next few hours.
I'm trying not to feel too bad about this. In fact, I don't really feel that bad about it in the way you would think, but I feel a little guilty about THAT. So now I'm reminding myself of what I read in Barbara Sher's wonderful book Live The Life You Love (I highly recommend it), that when you don't get things done you have to actively decide not to and own that decision. It really is okay that I didn't do much today. I've been busy (having lots of fun, but still) and I enjoyed the sort of mini-vacation. There's nothing that needed to get done, I have no deadlines tomorrow, and I did tons of laundry last week, so this is really pretty reasonable. Also, tomorrow is the day I've been both dreading and looking forward to for about a week: the day I start training at my new job.
This new job will be my second job, which I really needed to supplement my income so I can relax a little about my potential to both pay rent and eat every day after I graduate. It is a waitressing job, at a chain restaurant, which is good because many restaurants will not hire people without experience as waitstaff, and you really have to start somewhere. So soon I will have that experience, enabling me to get a job at another restaurant somewhere down the road if I continue to need a second one, and to work somewhere where I can make tips (hopefully)! So really, this is a VERY good thing and exactly what I was hoping would happen in my search for a second job.
But I'm nervous. I'm always nervous starting new jobs; I think that's probably pretty natural. I think it's mostly transitioning from the role of an outsider to a part of the team, while learning to do something new and inevitably messing it up at least a little, that makes this so difficult. But I've always had the exact same nerves before and never had a bad experience that warranted them, so I've got to just let it go. Maybe if I go lie in my bed and watch The Office some more I'll be distracted. But I think that's even more likely if I practice guitar for a while.
I'm trying not to feel too bad about this. In fact, I don't really feel that bad about it in the way you would think, but I feel a little guilty about THAT. So now I'm reminding myself of what I read in Barbara Sher's wonderful book Live The Life You Love (I highly recommend it), that when you don't get things done you have to actively decide not to and own that decision. It really is okay that I didn't do much today. I've been busy (having lots of fun, but still) and I enjoyed the sort of mini-vacation. There's nothing that needed to get done, I have no deadlines tomorrow, and I did tons of laundry last week, so this is really pretty reasonable. Also, tomorrow is the day I've been both dreading and looking forward to for about a week: the day I start training at my new job.
This new job will be my second job, which I really needed to supplement my income so I can relax a little about my potential to both pay rent and eat every day after I graduate. It is a waitressing job, at a chain restaurant, which is good because many restaurants will not hire people without experience as waitstaff, and you really have to start somewhere. So soon I will have that experience, enabling me to get a job at another restaurant somewhere down the road if I continue to need a second one, and to work somewhere where I can make tips (hopefully)! So really, this is a VERY good thing and exactly what I was hoping would happen in my search for a second job.
But I'm nervous. I'm always nervous starting new jobs; I think that's probably pretty natural. I think it's mostly transitioning from the role of an outsider to a part of the team, while learning to do something new and inevitably messing it up at least a little, that makes this so difficult. But I've always had the exact same nerves before and never had a bad experience that warranted them, so I've got to just let it go. Maybe if I go lie in my bed and watch The Office some more I'll be distracted. But I think that's even more likely if I practice guitar for a while.
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