I'm taking a month (well, it's down to three weeks starting tomorrow) to focus on myself and not on anyone else. I'm reevaluating what I have and what I want, who I am and who I want to become, where I am and where I want to go . . . and I'm seeing if I can't really get happy. It's great and it's definitely, DEFinitely something I need to do, sooner rather than later, but it's lonely work at times. "I Tried To Rock You But You Only Roll" by Leona Naess is my theme right now. These are words I want to remember, and they describe how I want to feel all the time. I cut out the parts that are most important to me right now and pasted them below.
"got two guitars to play my songs
got many rights to kill my wrongs
got a smile that'll knock you down
I got friends who will follow me
and I don't own responsibility
and I know what I am
and I know that I'm right
Yeah yeah yeah
. . .
got a head full of new ideas
I got music bleeding from my ears
and people who believe in me
I got miles and miles of things to see
and nothing relates to you and me
and I know what I am
and I know that I'm right
my arms are reachin' out to let you go
I tried to rock you but you only can roll"
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Courage to Relax
I love Yogi tea. I first tried it when I felt a cold coming on at work and a friend offered me a packet of "Throat Comfort." It's got licorice in it, and the flavor sort of blooms in your mouth. It's a pretty neat sensation. And what's more, it worked! My throat really did feel comforted. I've since tried Yogi teas with various other purposes, like "Calming" and "Bedtime" and "Immune Support," and so far each one has achieved the advertised effect. Highly recommended. But that's not all!
What makes Yogi tea seem blog-worthy to me at this hour is not so much the tea as the Yogi. Each tea packet has a sentence written on the little tab thing that hangs on the end of the string (maybe there's a word for that?). It's almost like a fortune cookie fortune, but it's advice from the Yogi! A mantra or a bit of encouragement, usually, or some sort of philosophical universal truth. Something like "Bliss cannot be disturbed by gain or loss" or "The only tool you need is kindness." Sometimes they're repeats or don't feel that relevant to me, but often the Yogi tea offers really excellent insight, and I save those tabs and tape them to my laptop or my planner.
Last night I made a cup of "Bedtime" tea and, as it so often does, it had something to say that was exactly what I needed to be told. The tab said that "One of the best actions we can take, with courage, is to relax." And I thought--that's it!
It’s true that that’s one of the best actions we can take. It’s good for you to relax! To reduce stress, to reduce the risk of heart disease, to make yourself easier for others to be around . . . and, it’s just as true that it takes courage. It’s a leap of faith sometimes. It’s a decision to trust. It’s relinquishing control—especially in those instances when you didn’t really have it anyway, but you really felt you needed it. It's scary because it can feel like free-falling at first, but really it’s floating. I want to float!
What makes Yogi tea seem blog-worthy to me at this hour is not so much the tea as the Yogi. Each tea packet has a sentence written on the little tab thing that hangs on the end of the string (maybe there's a word for that?). It's almost like a fortune cookie fortune, but it's advice from the Yogi! A mantra or a bit of encouragement, usually, or some sort of philosophical universal truth. Something like "Bliss cannot be disturbed by gain or loss" or "The only tool you need is kindness." Sometimes they're repeats or don't feel that relevant to me, but often the Yogi tea offers really excellent insight, and I save those tabs and tape them to my laptop or my planner.
Last night I made a cup of "Bedtime" tea and, as it so often does, it had something to say that was exactly what I needed to be told. The tab said that "One of the best actions we can take, with courage, is to relax." And I thought--that's it!
It’s true that that’s one of the best actions we can take. It’s good for you to relax! To reduce stress, to reduce the risk of heart disease, to make yourself easier for others to be around . . . and, it’s just as true that it takes courage. It’s a leap of faith sometimes. It’s a decision to trust. It’s relinquishing control—especially in those instances when you didn’t really have it anyway, but you really felt you needed it. It's scary because it can feel like free-falling at first, but really it’s floating. I want to float!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
NaNoWriMo Update
50,000 words by the end of March! The first two weeks were great. I loved that the quantity goal finally gave me the justification I needed to just spit it out and get some things down on paper. A lot of it reads like a crazy person's diary, but it's there, it's on paper, and later (maybe this will be April's project) I can go back and see if there's anything good in these (so far 33!) pages. I think that actually there is, and anyway the point of this was just to write.
I've slowed down in the past few days though. I've begun to feel like I've said it all. I learned from this experience that I tend to think in terms of themes, letting one or two big subjects--mostly problems or issues of some kind--remain my primary focus for weeks and seeing everything else as somehow related to those themes. So I've spent a lot of time, and a lot of words, on hashing it all out. I think that was a good thing to do. I understand now why people always suggest that you write things down when you're upset. It really does help to organize your thoughts and clarify your feelings. But when you have the same major thoughts and feelings for weeks, and you still have nearly 25,000 words to go, it starts to feel like there's nothing left to worry about, let alone write about.
Fortunately, I feel like I've turned a corner. Maybe I don't need to worry in order to be a thoughtful person. Spring is here and with it came a new mood and spirit of happiness and hopefulness, and it's about time! So now, I've been up and down the same old problems. I've been around and around the same old rutted circles. I've made it through the winter, and I'm moving forward. There's something to write about: I'm writing about the new me, the new Natalie Harrington, and the hopes I have for her.
I've slowed down in the past few days though. I've begun to feel like I've said it all. I learned from this experience that I tend to think in terms of themes, letting one or two big subjects--mostly problems or issues of some kind--remain my primary focus for weeks and seeing everything else as somehow related to those themes. So I've spent a lot of time, and a lot of words, on hashing it all out. I think that was a good thing to do. I understand now why people always suggest that you write things down when you're upset. It really does help to organize your thoughts and clarify your feelings. But when you have the same major thoughts and feelings for weeks, and you still have nearly 25,000 words to go, it starts to feel like there's nothing left to worry about, let alone write about.
Fortunately, I feel like I've turned a corner. Maybe I don't need to worry in order to be a thoughtful person. Spring is here and with it came a new mood and spirit of happiness and hopefulness, and it's about time! So now, I've been up and down the same old problems. I've been around and around the same old rutted circles. I've made it through the winter, and I'm moving forward. There's something to write about: I'm writing about the new me, the new Natalie Harrington, and the hopes I have for her.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
NaNoWriMo
Yesterday I came across this National Novel Writing Month thing, apparently referred to as NaNoWriMo. Basically it's this "project" that starts in November each year. Anyone can sign up, and the point is to force or inspire (perspective!) yourself to write furiously for the month of November, aiming for a quantity goal and thus not worrying at all about quality. The goal is 50,000 words at the end of the month, which I calculated comes out to 1,667 per day. That's not a WHOLE lot, but it's definitely a lot. And enough where skipping a day would be pretty hard to make up without getting on a serious roll another day. Which is why I love this, and why it's so convenient that I stumbled across it on March 1st. I'm going to do it myself! I don't think I'm even going to worry about the whole novel part, I'm just going to borrow this quantity goal--obviously doable, since so many other people do it--and make it my own. 50,000 words by March 30th (because November only has 30 days). I've got 3,034 so far--46,966 to go!
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